Host Mike Burdge has a big ol' laugh with guest Diana DiMuro while the two discuss the widely beloved 1993 Robin William's vehicle, Mrs. Doubtfire . Listen on....

Jack gets into that spooky, horror talk with guests, Jeremy Kolodziejski and Mike Burdge, covering Justin G. Dyck's fantastic breakthrough into the genre, Anything for Jackson . They also wander down various 2020 horror roads as they discuss some of their favorite scary flicks from a year that saw many, many awesome entries. Listen on....

As I mature, I find myself empathizing more and more with one of Mike Judge’s greatest creations, King of the Hill . I find it extremely comforting that Hank Hill exudes domestic zen in spite of the challenges and curveballs life continues to throw at him. I can appreciate yet another layer of jokes on display in this tightly packed sitcom, that an earlier version of me completely overlooked. Hank’s pleasure is displayed by the good, hard work of homeownership and his wishes to be as boring, average, and straight-laced as possible. This is in addition to some of his narrative arcs and other storytelling devices which echo this lovely simplicity. The platitudes displayed in this sitcom can easily be translated into a guide of how to derive pleasure from an otherwise aggravating activity and live a happier, more fulfilling, life by doing so. I used to love this show for Bobby’s idiosyncratic nature and the ferocious, untethered passion of Peggy ‘Hoo-yeah!’ Hill. Both of them drew me in to Mike Judge’s classic show with their absurdities, but as I rewatch it now, it’s all about Hank. In one of my favorite episodes, you can see his unwavering concentration – and pleasure – as he repaves his driveway. It's such a clear example of the feeling of accomplishment after finishing an otherwise seemingly menial task. This is displayed by numerous examples throughout the tenure of the show, but one of the most memorable and poignant examples is when Hank grapples with the concept of how to attain a euphoric high by saying, “Why would anyone do drugs when they can just mow their lawn?” This is his ultimate satisfaction. Hank exudes pleasure from performing good, virtuous work. In other words, this is the Aristotelian concept of Eudaimonia. This continues to be a trend in the series and is displayed in Hank’s passion for precision. This pension for accuracy is echoed during Luanne’s debut show of the Manger Babies, and Hank – for a brief second – appears to be proud of his surrogate daughter, only to have his focus shift away, once he realizes that he didn’t hammer in one of the nails all the way, which detracts from his “craftsmanship.” Hank’s undeterred focus is something I strive to achieve, and recreate. This focus is also applicable to his steak cooking, lawn mowing, and of course, his propane selling. It’s like the Ron Swanson idea of “you can’t half-ass two things, you have to whole-ass one thing.” Except in Hank’s case, maybe he half-asses one thing, and he lets his butt boobies do the rest. One thing that Hank always puts his whole ass into is Strickland Propane. As someone with a middle-management job, I can concretely say that the strive for mediocrity is real. I could only hope and dream for something as prestigious as a “blue flame of valor jacket” in this world of less-pay-for-more-hours on the clock. His work however, is not only limited to Strickland; Hank does quite a bit of community work as well, which alludes to the concept of altruism. Hank's tasks, although small in nature, sometimes align him with a greater good for Arlen. This is displayed in the episodes where Hank talks down Dale from the university chapel “shoot out” scene, or when he tries to get the Dallas Cowboys to relocate to Arlen. The narrative thread of some of the absurdities encountered in this show depict Hank trying his best to be a stand up citizen. Even when the show’s narrative explores fantasy, daydreams, or memories, it’s still tied to the deliciously monotonous quotidian of our wants and desires. In a brilliant episode reminiscent of the Rashomon effect, of Akira Kurosawa’s brilliant film, Rashomon , (which can be boiled down to the notion that everyone has their own valid truth) the redneck quartet volunteer as firemen, and the firehouse ends up burning down as a result of their actions. In Dale’s memory, he has a long, gorgeous head of hair and is in shape. Bill’s memory includes a fully bald version of himself, daintily cutting a toaster oven pizza with a swiss army knife, only to put it away and gorge on the pizza face first with no utensils and a napkin-tucked into his shirt (in reality, he was shirtless and used no napkins; we’ve all been there though, right?) Finally, in the saddest of all memories depicted, Boomhauer envisions everyone talking in the mile-a-minute indistinguishable nonsense he is known for, and he clearly enunciates and expresses himself in a calm manner. In Hank's flashback, he is an accurate representation of himself, and ends up taking care of everyone else’s shortcomings. Again, Hank acts for the greater good of the community, even if his community consists of delusional, self-absorbed idiots. Overall, at this stage in my life with everything going on in the world, I’ve found it harder to appreciate things and I’ve become a deeply cynical man. My cynicism however, melts away at each episode’s conclusion. Normally, Hank completes a task, the music swells, and the camera pulls back to reveal a sunset over the Arlen water tower and the end credits play. At these moments, I often find myself with a smile as wide as Ladybird's jowls as the credits roll. I now can finally understand the joyous monotony of accomplishing this day-to-day type of work, and more specifically, the pride that comes from those accomplishments. Jordan Young Jordan graduated in 2009 from Susquehanna University with a degree in Creative Writing and Film Studies where he met his wife. In spite of God's will, he published his first book PESTS with Lloyd Kaufman; the CEO of the independent stalwart Troma Entertainment. You can see him being snarky and cynical on Twitter and Instagram @settlingstatic , and you can find him being deeply, deeply nerdy on Reddit @SkywardJordan. #Newsletter #Articles #KingoftheHil #TV #Animation #JordanYoung #MikeJudge #Propane

The best line in The Lighthouse is, hands down, “If I had a steak...I would fuck it.” You can’t argue with that. Can’t compete. Nothing else measures up to the sheer absurdity and understanding you achieve when you write a line like, “If I had a steak, I would fuck it.” This is also the line, in my opinion, that catalyzes the sheer desperation of The Lighthouse . The ambitions of the entire film are distilled down to one shocking, surreal expression that marks the turning point of the film. One of the great strengths of The Lighthouse is that it lays out all of the main objects of desire - communication, knowledge, sex, and alcohol - within the first ten minutes of the movie. When the two men argue about who gets to keep the light, they refuse to speak in the same language. Young gets a full view of Old’s ass as he humps the bed, and they have a clear difference of opinion on the drinks they have over dinner. Each of the main sources of desire, and therefore, the source of conflict in the film, are expressed almost immediately, and remain prevalent throughout the entire narrative. The film is constantly exploring what it means to thirst, but it never gives in to it. There’s always more to want, and the men are never satisfied. There is not only desire in The Lighthouse , but an implicit demand. At every point in the movie, Young demands things: more food, more drink, more money, more from life. The movie itself demands that its characters make sacrifices in order to exist in the frame. The narrative demands them to give themselves up to their base natures, it demands violence and anger, it demands action and blood. The narrative of The Lighthouse is tied, through both the technical specifications of the movie and the narrative itself, to desire, and the character’s expressions of that desire. It is in human nature to thirst; it speaks to the base nature of humans to want more and more and more. There’s always something - always more to take or have. It’s inescapable to not have everything. It can be as basic as air, or water, or even time - another breath, another dance, another night. The desire inherent in The Lighthouse is expansive because of how basic the wants are, but the thirst is also exactly focused. There is only so far Young and Old can go, there is only so much that you can do or say or eat while stranded on an island with limited to no contact with the rest of the world. Desire in The Lighthouse is primal and reflexive. The characters don’t think about what they want; they simply want it. The desires for things like knowledge, sex, and alcohol are not analyzed or questioned, they are basic and inherent to the characters themselves. The two men do not feed each other, but they pile on, amplifying the needs of each other, refusing and giving in to desire in equal measure. At many points in the movie, the two men cannot help but want, desire, thirst. The compulsion is inherent, built into the film itself. It’s this undercurrent of ambition and frustration that expands to encompass the entire film, like the way that a boat, beating against the waves, fails to make it past the break. These frustrations of thwarted ambitions are the driving force of the plot, which are then further emphasized by the technical features of the film. Desire is contained by a small aspect ratio and a black and white color palette, limiting us, setting us up to experience what comes before desire: the lack. Technically speaking, thirst is black and white. It’s binary. Either it’s there or it’s not. To produce a film with a limited color palette gives the viewer more room to explore, within the text, the meaning of its absence. Why was Raging Bull in black and white? Why did Wizard of Oz change colors? What do we learn when we see a narrative piece of media that evokes a lack, implicitly, in its very creation? One reason for this, is that color implies and allows an expansion of the world in which color exists. Color allows for breathing room: for new experiences and interpretations. What does blue mean in Moonligh t? Why is Carrie wearing pink to prom? Scratch that. Roll tape. Comparing shades of gray is a lesson in futility. There is light and there is dark. The in-between shades of gray make up the entire film, and trying to interpret them further is an exercise in futility. It’s not hard to get meaning out of black and white film. To have this starkness in film allows focus. Much like Hitchcock’s decision to film stories like Psycho and Notorious in black and white, The Lighthouse is a compact, desperately grasping thriller, focused on the story, eschewing the symbology of color and of our own conceptions of meaning. We don’t know if red is angry or green is kind; instead, all of the colors are hard. It’s all limited and restricted, carefully crafted to create a desire in the audience to find meaning elsewhere. Communication is the first example of compulsive desire, and it remains prevalent throughout the length of the film. The two men are not good at speaking to each other. Their language is stilted, their meanings are obfuscated within symbology, and the differences between them make it impossible for them to speak to each other with any sort of understanding. Instead of an exchange, there is a pile. The lack of words creates a desire. They need to speak to each other; there is simply nobody else who they can speak to. The larger-than-life symbols in the film: the lighthouse itself, the siren, the seagull, none of these things speak when addressed. Only Young and Old respond. The desire for communication exists, and the outpouring of desire that they bring to bear at the table, and in between their beds never brings relief. They speak but they don’t listen. They demand and desire and nobody can offer relief. They don’t know how to respond to each other, and there’s a point at the beginning of the script where Young fumbles over multisyllabic words. Old, as well, refuses to accept “yes,” and instead demands that Young say “Aye” as agreement. They speak the same language, but they don’t understand what each other is saying. Sex is another source of desire, from both Young and Old. Young from the beginning of the film is drawn to physical expressions of his thirst and frustrations. He steals the mermaid statue, masturbates to it, and when a mermaid washes up on shore, he doesn’t hesitate to fuck her. He’s also the one who watches Old through the hole in the ceiling, instigates the fights with him, and holds him after they dance. Young is the one who acts on his carnal, base desires, instigating the same from Old. They feed off of each other, encouraging each other to greater heights of thirst and demand. There is a moment when they are drunk and dancing that the two men look at each other, and the entire theater held its collective breath because we were all so sure that they were going to kiss. The build up was there. The thirst was real, and we could all see what was going on. This carnal desire eventually escalates into an all-out brawl, but the desire for human connection, for another kind of communication, is still evident even in moments of intense lust. The two men did not kiss, mostly because Hollywood is still homophobic, and queer pain and repression is always going to be prioritized over queer relief. That’s an essay for another time, but this is a movie that has consistently prioritized desire, but rarely fulfills it. Why would this be different? The last moment of catalyzed desire is literal thirst. Throughout the movie both water and alcohol trade off scarcity. Water is contaminated, the rum runs out, the fuel becomes the only source of alcohol as the two men descend into depression and go mad waiting for the boat to the mainland that seemingly will never come. Alcohol is the most tangible expression of desire, as Young and Old can always tell when they are lacking for a drink. Both of these things - sex and alcohol - provide an escape. When the boat meant to take them home doesn’t materialize, sex and alcohol give them a way to distract themselves. The terror of being on the island hasn’t set in yet, and Young and Old lose themselves to drink. They revel in the ecstasy of destruction and release, in the letting go. The film, of course, can’t let this last for too long, and when the lack comes, it comes fast and hard, and devastates the two men, pushing them to the brink of their sanity like a Lovecraftian monster, breaking them for thirst. It’s a punishment. Thirst too much, want too much, and you will be laid low. Human nature is no match for mother nature, and the sheer audacity of Young and Old to think that they could face the forces at work on the island could only lead to retribution. Ambition is curbed, addiction is drawn further and further along the line, and at the bitter end you have the finale, the climax, the death. All of these things - communication, sex, alcohol - cumulate at the climax of the film, drawing on the thirst that has colored the entire narrative. Nothing is given to the characters, but everything is taken. The lighthouse itself takes the fuel, the sanity, the desire that these characters have and transforms it into something desperate and immediate. The lighthouse, the desire for knowledge and understanding, the carnal impulse to have a thing, to hold it, drives the characters into madness. In The Lighthouse the thirst is real, and it’s deadly. Linda H. Codega Linda is a twenty-something millennial living and working in the Hudson Valley who loves fandom, pop culture, sailing, tarot cards, and crying in movie theaters. If you want to listen to them talk about pop culture, the repeating cycles of media, and those stories that we can’t get out of our heads, you can listen to their podcast, Retronym , on iTunes.

“I had always heard your entire life flashes before your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn’t a second at all. It stretches on forever like an ocean of time. For me it was lying on my back at boy scout camp watching falling stars. And yellow leaves from the maple trees that lined our street. Or my grandmother’s hands and the way her skin seemed like paper. And the first time I saw my cousin Tony’s brand-new Firebird. And Janie. And Janie. And Carolyn… I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it's hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember to relax and stop trying to hold onto it. And then it flows through me like rain, and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid, little life. You have no idea what I’m talking about I’m sure but don’t worry. You will someday.” In 1999's American Beauty , our protagonist's very first assertion proves true in the end: “My name is Lester Burnham… I’m 42 years old and in less than a year I’ll be dead.” From the beginning of the story he, as our narrator, seems unfazed by this. Lester gives us little time to consider his imminent death before introducing us to his family: his wife, Carolyn, and their daughter Jane. They are a mostly typical American family living in a typical American suburb. Lester’s job at the magazine is downsizing, Carolyn is having trouble selling and dealing with competition in the local housing market, and Jane is “a pretty typical teenager,” according to Lester. “Angry, insecure, confused. I wish I could tell her that’s all going to pass but I don’t want to lie to her.” He goes on to say, “Both my wife and daughter think I’m this gigantic loser and they’re right. I have lost something. I’m not exactly sure what it is but I know I didn’t always feel this... sedated. But you know what? It's never too late to get it back.” The choice to have Lester narrate his life posthumously serves the story on many levels. Not least of which is a constant reminder of the finality of life: his own, and the final nature of all things. His mentioning of Jane’s issues that are not “going to pass” shows us that even as adults, he and Carolyn don’t have any more answers than she does, and they are probably just as lost if not more. They may only have more experience with coping despite both of them noticeably being on the verge of a breakdown. These choices add an urgency to the discovery of what’s important to our characters. They’ve all lost touch with what made them feel alive, and they are all running out of precious time. When we first see Lester at work, he’s having a forced phone conversation with someone who has repeatedly been ignoring him. Ignoring him to the point where he has to ask the secretary on the other line if the person he’s trying to contact even exists. After he ends this pointless call, he’s brought into his new supervisor’s office for a meeting. This quickly goes bad, as his supervisor tells Lester that the company is “looking to cut corners.” Lester jumps to the conclusion that this means he’s getting fired. He can’t hold back admitting that he knows a superior, “Craig” wasted $50,000 of company money paying for sex. This is the beginning of his breakdown, and his new boss can tell he’s tapped into something unexpected from this mild mannered, self proclaimed “loser.” Lester goes on to say that he’s been writing for the magazine for 14 years. This new guy “Brad,” has only been here for about a month, as if to tell him he doesn’t quite know what he’s wading into, with the magazine or with Lester himself. It's not until their next meeting, that Lester tells him in a company mandated job description, “My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge and at least once a day retiring to the men’s room where I can jerk off fantasizing about a life that doesn’t so closely resemble hell.” Though this letter and blackmail somehow succeed in getting him a salary without work, I’m sure people would agree that there are many bosses who deserve some form of this letter and unfortunately will never receive it. Lester leaves the office, and immediately picks up a new job working the counter at a fast food restaurant because he wants “the least amount of responsibility possible.” It’s not only Lester who has been missing something. Carolyn is as well. Anyone can all relate to focusing too hard on trivial things. We all want to make the best of life and it's easy to get lost in our scheme. When Lester introduces us to Jane, we see her look over a spreadsheet cataloging quite a bit of saved money, but we also see that she seems to be researching and saving for cosmetic surgery. The first thing we see Carolyn say to Jane is to passive aggressively ask her if she’s “trying to look unattractive,” and that if she has, she’s “succeeded.” We only learn later, that Carolyn believes deeply in projecting an “image of success” at all times, to influence actual success. Not only is this important to her, but getting her way affirms this philosophy as an acceptable one. Lester accuses her of tearing down their neighbor’s sycamore only for Carolyn to reply that “a substantial portion of the root structure was on our yard! How can you call it ‘their sycamore?’” Projecting this image and lifestyle on others is clearly not healthy for her or anyone else, as she’d rather be “right” than happy. Jane is a perfectly “normal” teenage girl and doesn’t need to look however Carolyn believes “successful” looks. A major flaw in Carolyn’s philosophies for success is that her entire definition of success has become dependent on work. We get a glimpse of her work day competing in the real estate market, losing out to a local “Real Estate King” while trying her absolute hardest to work with what she’s got. After meticulously cleaning the entire property and continuing to affirm that she will “sell this house today,” prospective buyers begin to arrive, and we see how little this ends up meaning. The day ends with Carolyn not having made the sale, despite what she repeatedly told herself, which leads to her showing genuine emotion for the first time. When she realizes she’s crying and can’t hold back, she begins to slap herself and call herself a weak baby. This snaps her out of reality and back into her best laid plans. She forces a harsh smile through tears to reaffirm her ability to present herself. Her scheme is causing her to lose her grip on reality, with the image of success being all that is holding her together. Jane must suffer through both her parents crises while dealing with her own internal battle with self image and confidence. Her relationship with the neighbor’s son, Ricky, is helpful and needed, but progress becomes hindered by Lester’s newfound obsession with Jane’s only friend, Angela. His desire to completely change his life is accompanied by this fairly disturbing side effect. It doesn’t help that Angela also treats Jane like a bit of a punching bag, consistently making her feel small, either purposefully or through her own lack of self awareness. Though this is obviously upsetting to Jane, neither she nor Lester have the audience’s perspective to realize that Lester isn’t really infatuated with this teenage girl, (real as it seems) he’s more infatuated with freedom and the lust for life that comes with youth. Both are things that he and Carolyn have completely lost and can only yearn for at this point. Unfortunately for Jane, Angela becomes the focal point of Lester’s yearning, until he inevitably realizes this for himself. Through all of the Burnhams’ struggles to connect with one another, new neighbors arrive at the property next door and we are given a different side to these issues. The Fitts family is Col. Frank Fitts USMC, his wife Barbara, and their son Ricky. Frank is a violent man fixated on structure and discipline, who frequently clashes with his son (physically and otherwise). Ricky seems to mostly be able to handle him, despite a complete unwillingness to retaliate against his father with violence. He mostly says what he knows his Father wants to hear to avoid confrontation, so that he can continue to live with his family and keep them together. Ricky tells Jane when they eventually become close, that he almost killed a fellow student after the “kid made a crack about [his] haircut.” It's only now that Ricky has the perspective to realize his behavior wasn’t unrelated to the beating Frank had given him the night before. “Wow, you must really hate him,” Jane says upon hearing this. Ricky claims his father isn’t an evil man, and we can tell that even though he wants to leave, he stays to do right by his parents. Barbara’s relationship with Frank is the antithesis of this. She doesn’t tell him what he wants to hear, she doesn’t tell him anything. She’s almost always silent, likely due to years of physical or emotional abuse from Frank. We really only see her cook, clean, and stare off deeply into space. Towards the end of the story, we see Ricky tell her, “I wish things would have been better for you.” Her character has always represented the horror of the woman’s role in the 1950’s vision of the American household (a truly disturbing expectation to be unwillingly subscribed to). We don’t quite know why Frank is the way he is until the very end, but we can only assume it has to do with his own harsh upbringing and experiences in the military. Their family life and issues aren’t any less common than the Burnham’s in America, though they are much more severe. Despite this, their relationships and personalities shows that leading a life focused around fulfilling the expectations of others will only yield unhappiness and regret. Though Lester does die in less than a year as he states in the very beginning, he is provided the perspective to give him one last smile in the eternity of his final second. His last moment is well spent, reminiscing happily over a picture of his wife and daughter. Ricky, having gone through a life changing break years ago, has been attempting to appreciate beauty wherever he finds it, to see the “life behind things.” He admits to Jane that he’d once filmed a homeless woman who froze to death. When she asks why, he responds, “Because it was amazing… When you see something like that, it’s like God looking right at you just for a second, and if you’re careful you can look right back.” He finds the blood-soaked room where Lester was killed, and sees a moment of similar beauty. A moment to look back at God. He looks into Lester’s eyes and where he had previously seen the sadness of the woman who froze to death, he now sees Lester’s smile and admires it. Ricky shares in the moment, smiling back, acknowledging Lester’s true happiness and fulfillment despite the gruesome scene. By the end of the ‘90s, Americans had been considering the effect of office and cubicle culture on mental health for years. It's worth noting that Fight Club, Office Space , and American Beauty all came out in the same year: 1999. They are very different movies that all share a similar warning: a passionless life and a meaningless job can absolutely damage your relationship with reality, and are just as easy to fail at as pursuits that we care about. People rightly fear falling into the dreary, materially-obsessed existence that these stories try to dramatize. All three of them show the audience an extreme response to the depression that accompanies being lost in a life of your own making. Slogging through a job you not only hate but can’t progress in. A daily routine that has no joy or end in sight. Work, Eat, Sleep, Die. Breaking away from this consistent mediocrity that is celebrated in America is necessary to keep in touch with yourself and those around you. The Fitts and Burnham families give us a glimpse into the terror and hilarity of these fears, as well as the consequences of forgoing a simplistic happiness and thankfulness for small beauties to adhere to the norms of American society. Seeing their stories intertwine, reminds me that I should always feel nothing but gratitude for my stupid, little life. Pierce Allen Pierce Allen is a local musician and movie enthusiast living in Beacon, NY. His favorite ice cream flavor is chocolate and vanilla mixed together. #Newsletter #PierceAllen #Article #AmericanBeauty #1999 #Spirituality

Enola Holmes: a Nancy Drew for the Modern Age Enola Holmes - the new Netflix film starring Stranger Things’ Millie Bobby Brown - is straight-up delightful. The film is based on the Young Adult novel, “The Case of the Missing Marquess,” by Nancy Springer, the first in a six book mystery series starring the younger sister of renowned detective, Sherlock Holmes. When Millie Bobby Brown’s real-life sister, Paige, first saw Springer’s novels, she immediately thought her younger sister would love them. Years later, the two have teamed up to produce the movie adaptation. The film’s screenplay is written by Jack Thorne, and directed by Harry Bradbeer ( Fleabag). Enola Holmes is the type of story that I definitely would have been drawn to as a young adult. It features a strong female protagonist - quirky, but extremely intelligent - who manages to get into just as many scrapes as she gets out of. When I was younger, my mom gave me all of her old “Nancy Drew” books. I quickly devoured them and went searching for more at local used bookstores. Enola is a modern-day Nancy Drew, living in the late nineteenth century. Like Drew, Enola uses her powers of deduction to help others in need, but she seems to have more fun along the way. To add even more modern-day appeal to our heroine, she has the ability to stand up for herself - both mentally and physically - thanks to some training in Jiu Jitsu. But I am getting ahead of myself. Every hero has their origin story and Enola Holmes is no different. The film begins with Enola - in full period dress - riding a bicycle (poorly). She tells us how her mother named her Enola “which backwards means ALONE,” and had a strong affinity for riddles and wordplay. After Enola’s father died, and her older brothers, Mycroft and Sherlock, left the house, she was raised and educated solely by her mother, Eudoria (played by Helena Bonham Carter). Enola spent her childhood reading books, performing science experiments and learning self-defence, all important skills, but not the traditional needlepoint that is expected of ladies during the 1800s. When her mother disappears on her sixteenth birthday, her older brothers return home to investigate. Mycroft (played by Sam Clafin) is the oldest sibling; he has been funding his mother and Enola’s care, under the delusion that she has been educated by a governess and received “appropriate” upbringing for a young lady of the time. He is the most aghast at Enola’s appearance and behavior. Sherlock (played by Henry Cavill) is more entertained and intrigued by both Enola and the disappearance of their mother. Mycroft resolves to send Enola away to a stuffy “finishing school” for young ladies, led by Miss Harrison (Fiona Shaw of Harry Potter fame). After meeting Miss Harrison, Enola decides to steal one of Sherlock’s boyhood outfits and runs away to catch a train in disguise. This is where the adventure really begins. In her attempts to find her mother and learn why she left so mysteriously, Enola crosses paths with another runaway: the young Lord Tewkesbury. Tewkesbury is being pursued by family and a hired hitman, and needs all the help he can get. I will leave it at that to avoid spoilers. Throughout the film, Enola is often faced with the concept of “being a lady,” and what it means to be a woman in a changing world. In London during the 1880s, this was a time of change. Many sought parliamentary reform. Women were working towards gaining suffrage (which they would not acquire until 1918). As Enola, Millie Bobby Brown is exceptionally entertaining as a strong-minded and even stronger-willed female lead who resists the cage of “quiet female obedience.” It may initially come as a shock for Stranger Things fans to hear “Eleven” speak with a British accent, (or even speak at all) but after a few minutes you are too engrossed in the story to dwell on it. Sam Clafin’s portrayal of Mycroft is a bit more akin to a PG version of his performance as the cruel Hawkins from 2018’s, The Nightingale. He is entitled and constantly angry. He sees Enola as a waste of his time and money, as well as a blemish on his own reputation within society. Henry Cavill on the other hand, seems to be having a great time! As Sherlock, he portrays the brother who was initially more standoffish, but is now suddenly interested and invested in his little sister’s upbringing. He sees Enola as a kindred spirit. This is not the drug-addled, self-involved chauvinist of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s novels. After all, this is a Young Adult series. Watching Cavill pop up every now and then throughout the film really is a pleasure. But this film is not Sherlock’s story. It’s Enola’s through and through. In the end, Enola solves more than one mystery, and she learns that she is less alone and more capable than she initially believed. Enola Holmes is definitely worth a watch. More so, if you also happen to be a younger viewer. It is engaging, smart and most of all, fun. It features a great cast, fun stunts, and plenty of costume changes and disguises. Along the way, our hero learns some lessons, but better yet, she realizes that she has much more to learn. As much as I enjoy her in Stranger Things, I hope Millie Bobby Brown continues to produce and keeps branching out in her future role choices. If there is a young person in your life that could benefit from a feel-good film with a good role model, steer them in the direction of Enola Holmes. I think they won’t be disappointed. Diana DiMuro Associate Editor Besides watching TV and movies, Diana likes the great outdoors, drawing and reading comics, and just generally rocking out. She has a BA in English Literature and is an art school drop out. You can follow her on Instagram @dldimuro

I felt a nagging sensation recently. I needed to understand why I love Mortal Kombat as much as I do. There is a time and a place for terrible movies, and the phenomena of “so-bad-it's-good,” which came up in the mid-aughts (thanks to Tommy Wiseau’s disasterpiece, The Room) , but my love for this movie goes beyond that pigeon hole of a description. Upon recent rewatch, I read a review aggregated by Google stating this was: “ One of the best if not only best video game movies ever made.” This...could not be true, could it? That moment was the impetus for the analysis I present to you. I’ve decided to take a serious, data-driven review of a decidedly unserious movie of the video game genre: Mortal Kombat . I set a goal for myself to metrically prove that this movie was indeed the best of this oft-despised genre. The easiest way to approach this though, is not necessarily the best. Wikipedia has an extremely helpful source of all the live action video game films that have been completed to date.This includes 40 features, and for the sake of this study I am not including animated films, shorts, or foreign films. Although the information on Wikipedia covers all of the traditional modes of “success” (i.e. Box office revenue, average Rotten Tomatoes and Metacritic Score) this does not cover the influence of the film, or the cult following of a certain film. So, I have added the following metrics: how many features after the film was released did the director helm, what’s the next film that the first billed actor starred in after this release, and the number of Google searches over time? I shall henceforth lump the cult metrics that I present to you all together in what I call the “cult longtail.” Before I dive into my results, there are a few elements of data that I want to mention that I might have a bias towards. For instance, I'd love to gain a better understanding of the negative components of the Mortal Kombat film, and how that affects our perception of it. A couple of these elements that I would consider detractors for some are: how the CGI looks dated, Christopher Lambeth as Lord Raiden almost has a laughable “put on” raspy voice a la Christian Bale as Batman , and the film’s abrasive soundtrack. Looking back, the CGI elements can be written off as our own implicit biases towards older looking technology- and you can further extrapolate this as minor ageism when it comes to appearance. Regarding the soundtrack, it should not be held against a film for wanting to be in and contributing to the zeitgeist. Finally, throughout the film there are audio quotes from the video game itself, (aside from the endless “Finish him” and “Flawless victory” quotes from Shang Tsung) the introduction of “Fight!” and Scorpion’s endless “Get Over Here,” which can come across as grating to some. But, given the source material, I immensely enjoy these quotes. I can’t currently imagine a better way at that time to give homage to the source material and have it be as genuine and fun as it currently is. Additionally, for every negative element of this film that I can think of there is a positive to balance that out. For instance, the Scorpion fight scene is reminiscent of Lady from Shanghai , and furthermore, I feel like some of the aside character shots are extremely well composed. (Admittedly, I have a special place in my heart for “contemplation against the sunset” shots ever since the rise of that Randy Savage meme). With all of this in mind, let’s get into the results. First, out of 40 live action adaptations of video game franchises (to my surprise), the highest grossing box office worldwide still is Duncan Jones’ Warcraft at $439,048,914. Most recently, a close second is Detective Pikachu at $433,005,346. In stark contrast, Warcraft has an extremely low critical average from Rotten Tomatoes (28%) and Metacritic (32%). The longtail cult average of search results, collected from Google Trends worldwide search of the past 5 years is an average of 5.1 per week. On the opposite end of the gross spectrum is Far Cry, which had a box office intake of only $743,634. With a budget of $30 million, that has to sting. Let’s take a quick moment of silence for the loss of director Uwe Boll’s dignity. -Thank you- Far Cry doesn’t even have enough negative reviews to grant it a critics consensus, and instead has an average review rate on Rotten Tomatoes of only 12% fresh. A bit of a surprise here is the cult longtail which has Uwe Boll directing 16(!) movies after this, and weekly average search results over a five year period is 14.5. On the downside of the cult longtail is first billed actor Til Schweiger’s next immediate feature after this which is 1 1/2 Knights - In Search of the Ravishing Princess Herzelinde . The only factor I have included in the first billed actor’s follow up film was: have I heard of it? So in this case, absolutely not. However, in the case of Street Fighter and Jean Claude Van Damme, you’re damn right i’ve heard of Sudden Death . But, I digress. Like Bobby Flay would say, on Beat Bobby Flay, the star of this dish needs to be Mortal Kombat , so where does that stand? Regarding box office gross, Mortal Kombat took in $122,195,920; not great but certainly not Far Cry abysmal. Critically, it did better than I thought, with the Rotten Tomatoes average of 46%. One of the main immediately surprising points from the data I assembled was that out of all of the video game films on Wikipedia, Mortal Kombat has the highest rating from Metacritic. This was the only data point of my analysis where Mortal Kombat was at the top. Regarding the cult longtail, Paul W.S. Anderson went on to direct twelve movies after this one, some of which have high notability outside of the video game film realm ( Event Horizon, The Three Musketeers, Alien Vs. Predator, Death Race, and Pompei). He went on to direct Resident Evil , which is also on this list (and I additionally, thoroughly enjoy). The actor playing our favorite Lord of Thunder, Raiden (Christopher Lambert), went on immediately to star in North Star, which did not have any immediate recognition for me; this began the twilight of his career. That being said, he has still had a very active career. His highest point had (in my opinion) occurred earlier as the titular Highlander in the 1986 film debut of this legendary character. The Google results are not as favorable; however, the cumulative weekly average of worldwide search results over the past five years is 23. Not great, but the dubious honor of lowest search results goes to Assassin’s Creed with an average of 5.4. Yikes. The most recent article written about the original Mortal Kombat film was on April 6th of this past year. However, we might see more come up soon because there is a reboot in the works with a projected release date of January 15, 2021. To be clear, this is a reboot considering there is no connection to the already existing Mortal Kombat films. To address the data integrity of my results, I wanted to consider the following elements: First, the most disputable of these results are the ones within the cult longtail, which can be for a wide array of reasons. For the search average, at this point and time, I am not considering if auto-complete aided some of these search results. Meaning some of these search results could very well exist due to typos, or lazy autofilling searchers. (To be fair, I include myself in this category). Regarding Google Trends, there are some instances which the film itself may not have explicitly been limited in the results. Specifically, when I searched Bloodrayne , Trends did not produce a TAG indicating if it was indeed the specific, original film in which I was attempting to cite. It could have been an amalgamation of the search results including the video game, or the other films in the franchise, which could be corrupted, and inaccurate reporting. My apologies for misrepresenting this information. There is a lot more data analysis that I would love to do on this topic, but, you know, deadlines. :) Maybe this is worth revisiting with an augmented search functionality and AI assistance, but i’d imagine the potential audience interested in that (as well as this entire article) is very, very small. Finally, we get into the results of this study. I took the highest scoring data of each field I created and eliminated the rest. Let’s take a quick look at this. For box office gross, the highest is Warcraft . The highest Rotten Tomatoes score goes to Detective Pikachu at 68%. Also, Mortal Kombat is the highest rated on Metacritic, as I previously mentioned, with 58/100. Not a high bar compared to the rest, but nonetheless, I thought this was notable. For the cult longtail, there were some surprising results. The director with the most directed features after their video game was Uwe Boll, who directed 22 features AFTER his terrible House of the Dead . What I can glean from my analysis of that statistic is that Uwe Boll has prospered because we do not have a merciful God. Surprisingly, the film with the most search results per week is Need for Speed, with an average of 49 searches per week. I have previously mentioned the potential problem of the Google Trend searches that I did. The last criteria I used is what was the movie that the lead actor was in immediately after this film, and how much recognition of it I had. That honor goes to Jean Claude Van Damme, who after Street Fighter starred in fucking Sudden Death. That being said, since this component of my research is based on feeling, I partially thought about eliminating it entirely. Not one feature was at the top of two data points of the criteria I used. Based on all of that criteria, I took the mean of all of the aforementioned categories which breaks down as follows: Average number of searches per week (21), average box office gross($146,294,028), Average Rotten Tomatoes Certified Freshness (29.6%), Metacritic score out of one hundred (47.2), and average number of features after the video game film is (7.6%). Mortal Kombat is higher than the mean of all factors with the exception of box office gross. I can then eliminate Need for Speed , considering it’s such an outlier for every other category, as well as House of the Dead and Street Fighter, none of these features are above the mean. Then it comes down to Warcraft, Detective Pikachu, and Mortal Kombat. Interestingly, Warcraft, although having the highest gross, has the lowest average weekly searches at 5.3. This is well below the mean of the average search. It also did horrible critically, so I'm removing it. Detective Pikachu is a surprisingly strong contender, but ultimately it is too early to declare the influence of this film, and the longevity of its director, Rob Letterman. In conclusion, after all of this analysis, Mortal Kombat, is not the most “popular” film of all time, but it is the most successful when looking at the critical and longtail cult matrices, with higher weekly searches than Detective Pikachu. And it certainly jump-started the career of Paul W.S. Anderson. If you have any thoughts on my analysis, or any critique, by all means I welcome it, as it will only help. (If I have your permission I may come back and do more edits as well), we’ll leave it up to the site views). Thank you for coming to my Ted talk, please feel free to resume your doom scrolling at your earliest convenience. Jordan Young Jordan graduated in 2009 from Susquehanna University with a degree in Creative Writing and Film Studies where he met his wife. In spite of God's will, he published his first book PESTS with Lloyd Kaufman; the CEO of the independent stalwart Troma Entertainment. You can see him being snarky and cynical on Twitter and Instagram @settlingstatic , and you can find him being deeply, deeply nerdy on Reddit @SkywardJordan .

Wonder Woman 1984 is a 2020 American superhero film based on the DC Comics character Wonder Woman . It is the sequel to 2017's Wonder Woman and the ninth installment in the DC Extended Universe (DCEU). It was theatrically released in the United States by Warner Bros. Pictures on December 25, 2020, and also made available to be streamed digitally on HBO Max for a month before it will go to premium video on demand . Robby Anderson talks with Mike Burdge about it. Listen on....

Just in time for 2021, here's the long awaited Best of 2018 supercut edited by Mike Burdge. The video acts as a collection of the Story Screen Family's favorite films of 2018, featuring music also released that year. Enjoy!

He is an animator, director, screenwriter, producer, storyteller, and artist. I won’t call him “The Japanese Walt Disney,” as this popular nickname makes him recoil, but Hayao Miyazaki’s legacy deserves recognition alongside Walt Disney and John Lasseter, as one of the greatest animators to ever grace audiences with his work. In the summer of 1985, at 44 years old, Miyazaki co-founded his animation company, Studio Ghibli (pronounced “jib-lee”), in Tokyo, Japan with three other collaborators. While not all of Studio Ghibli’s films are directed and written by Miyazaki, the ones he is involved with stand today as some of Japan’s most successful films, animated or not. His 2001 animated feature film, Spirited Away, earned nearly $230 million (¥31.68 billion) in Japan, and in 2003 it won Best Animated Feature at the 75th Academy Awards, (although Miyazaki did not attend due to his opposition to the U.S.'s involvement in the Iraq War) and nearly twenty years later, it still maintains Japan’s domestic box office record as the country’s most successful film. What makes Miyazaki’s films so special? There are a few essential components to his films: the traditional animation style that is meticulously drawn frame-by-frame, the ubiquitous appreciation for nature and human perspectives, and the implementation of the Japanese concept “Ma,” referring to the quiet, contemplative moments lacking action. Hayao Miyazaki was born in Tokyo during World War II. His father manufactured parts for fighter airplanes, rooting Miyazaki’s life-long interest in aviation (try to name a movie directed by Miyazaki without any aspect of airplanes or flying; it’s difficult). Miyazaki also enjoyed reading manga, and was influenced by the works of Osamu Tezuka, “the father of manga,” who created the well-recognized “Astro Boy” character in the 1960s. While honing his animation skills, Miyazaki burned his early works, after noticing a similarity to Tezuka’s style. While Tezuka was a key founder of manga, and an almost unavoidable influence, Miyazaki was firmly dedicated to being an original creator from the start. One of the most notable aspects of Studio Ghibli’s movies is their signature animation style. No more than 10% of Hayao Miyazaki’s movies are computer animated; the scenes are lovingly, and painstakingly, drawn by hand. There is a je ne sais quoi about animation created by hand; whether it be the tsunami-sized storm waves with a little pink girl darting between them in Ponyo , the breathtaking ocean and meadow landscapes depicted in Spirited Away or Howl’s Moving Castle (Miyazaki creates and saves collections of scenery paintings before he even has the story to match them) , or scenes from classic Walt Disney films such as Bambi and The Jungle Book , there is something magical produced as a result of the detail-orientedness that goes into well-made, traditional animation. As done in the times of early animation, every frame is hand drawn, and put together as a flip book. The growth of computer animation and ease of digital art has resulted in the gradual cessation of this traditional style. I admire Miyazaki’s ability to stick to his guns and produce films either drawn solely by hand, or only slightly embellished by computers. Pixar’s John Lasseter, a pioneer of 3-D animation, and director of films such as Toy Story , Cars , and A Bug’s Life , is a great admirer of Miyazaki’s work, openly hailing Miyazaki as the world's greatest living animator. In 2014, at the Tokyo International Film Festival, Lasseter described his experiences learning from Miyazaki’s style: I worked so hard on “ Toy Story .” It took four years with a group of people. We reworked the story to get it just right and I talked to Miyazaki who told me he does the stories for his films himself. All the storyboarding. I was blown away by that… every trip that I made [to Tokyo], I would go to Studio Ghibli, and [spend] a day with Miyazaki. For “ Cars” and “Cars 2 ,” every chance that I got. Lasseter tells stories of the encouragement he felt when traditionalist Miyazaki praised his computer animation skills in the creation of Luxo Jr. and Toy Story . While it may not be for him, Miyazaki admits that CGI has opened new doors for animators. "I think CGI has the potential to equal or even surpass what the human hand can do. But it is far too late for me to try it.” Studio Ghibli’s creative rights are well-guarded, and they are cautious as to how their films are handled internationally. In 1996, Walt Disney Studios became the sole distributor of Studio Ghibli’s films. In return, Disney pays 10% of the costs of the company’s next film. Disney does not own any merchandising or creative rights to Studio Ghibli’s movies; they are unable to develop any Kiki’s Delivery Service video games, or edit the movies’ stories. With the utmost respect for Miyazaki’s filmmaking and storytelling, Lasseter assisted Miyzaki with the creation of the English version of Spirited Away , ensuring English-speaking audiences would receive a movie as close to the Japanese version as possible. On the other hand, Harvey Weinstein was in charge of the U.S. release of Princess Mononoke. Miyazaki met Weinstein in New York, and was bombarded with demands for cuts to the film. While rumour has it that it was Miyazaki himself, Miyazaki confirms in an interview it was his producer who mailed Weinstein a samurai sword with a note attached to the blade: “No cuts.” Another special quality of Hayao Miyazaki’s films is their ability to empathize with the perspectives of children, ranging in age from toddlers to young adults. In December 2001, Miyazaki attended a Paris press conference for the first European release of Spirited Away . He revealed more about his filmmaking process (frighteningly for his team drawing each scene frame by frame, all of his movies are made without a script, and the story develops during the production), and explained how the inspiration for Spirited Away derived from him noticing a lack of films for his friend’s ten year old daughter. He wanted to create a film to inspire and connect with regular young girls. Spirited Away ’s protagonist is a ten year old girl named Chihiro. She doesn’t have supernatural abilities, appear mythical, or act older than her age. Miyazaki pays close attention to every detail to represent her age: her dad calls her name twice before she responds, she takes extra care when tying her shoes and taps each heel before walking, and if Miyazaki was ever unsure as to whether or not a certain task was within her capability, he would consider whether his friend’s daughter would be able to accomplish the task. Between Spirited Away , My Neighbor Totoro, When Marnie Was There, Whisper of the Heart , The Cat Returns, Grave of the Fireflies , Kiki’s Delivery Service , Ponyo , and more, most of the protagonists in Studio Ghibli’s films are intelligent, imaginative, courageous children (even better, the films generally empower young women for viewers of all ages to look up to). While they can be enjoyed at different ages, when asked why Miyazaki tends to create children’s movies, he remarked, “ There are many other people who are capable of making films for adults, so I'll leave that up to them and concentrate on the children.” Finally, Miyazaki’s movies implement “ Ma. ” Ma is a Japanese concept referring to negative space, or emptiness. It is a pause, a breath of stillness between moments of action. In Western culture, we tend to avoid pauses. Moments of silence in American conversations feel awkward. We sometimes speak opinions and observations solely to fill the gaps in conversation. This is reflected in film as well. In American movies, filmmakers tend to worry that if there’s a pause in the action, the audience will lose interest. In Japanese culture, contemplative silences are valued in the arts, and everyday life. For instance, in the everyday Japanese bow, the intentional pause before rising back up conveys one’s feelings and respect towards the other. In an interview with Roger Ebert, Miyazaki demonstrates Ma by clapping his hands a few times. "The time in between my clapping is Ma. If you just have non-stop action with no breathing space at all, it's just busyness. But if you take a moment, then the tension building in the film can grow into a wider dimension. If you just have constant tension at 80 degrees all the time you just get numb.” Ma is evident in all of Miyazaki’s movies, and it re-emphasizes his appreciation for nature, and/or uses stillness for the audience to take in and appreciate the progress the character has made so far on their journey. In Spirited Away , Miyazaki takes extra time to show the surrounding ocean and stillness inside the train during Chihiro’s train ride from the bathhouse to Zeniba’s home. In Howl’s Moving Castle , Sophie does laundry and quietly eats lunch outside with her castle friends. As seen in My Neighbor Totoro ’s movie posters, there’s a famous bus stop scene in which two sisters silently stand in the rain next to a giant forest spirit. The viewer listens to the sounds of rain, watches the ripples created on street puddles, and breathes in the serenity of the moment. John Lasseter commented on Miyazaki’s use of Ma, asserting that Miyazaki uniquely “celebrates the quiet moments,” making him one of history’s most original filmmakers. Today, Hayao Miyazaki claims to be retired from animation. Personally, I take his retirement status with a grain of salt due to the number of times he has suddenly become inspired with a new idea, and temporarily come out of retirement to create a new masterpiece (according to some, he has “retired” six times). However, he is consistently a quiet man; he prefers to stay out of the public eye, rarely accepts interviews, and lives a simple, monastic life in Tokyo. Miyazaki once said, “ I believe that stories have an important role to play in the formation of human beings, that they can stimulate, amaze and inspire their listeners.” Miyazaki has truly lived up to this statement by animating, directing, and writing stories that inspire and connect with the emotions of age diverse audiences around the world. Happy 80th birthday, Hayao Miyazaki. The world of animation is a better place because of you. Thank you for your characters, stories, and drawings that were so passionately created and shared with us. Your films will inspire new audiences and animators for generations to come. Sophia Acquisto A Beacon resident since 2001, Sophia is pursuing a Bachelor’s degree in Education at SUNY New Paltz.

Bernadette Gorman-White yucks it up about that pretty well-known show that's a spin-off of that pretty well-known movie series from a pretty well-known movie studio. Joining her on the episode are guests, Robby Anderson, Diana DiMuro and Mike Burdge, and they are all very excited to talk about Baby Yoda, Razorcrests, Bill Burr's accent, Tusken Raider retconning and continuing the great "the de-aging in The Irishman is bad, stop acting like a crazy person" conversation of 2019. It is a very good episode. Listen on.... Mentioned links: VIDEO: What's Next for The Mandalorian? ARTICLE: Let's Talk About Kissing in the Star Wars Movies, Shall We?

Star Wars is very cool. It's got fantastic adventure, great characters, some of the best music put to film, lightsabers, porgs, and a seemingly endless amount of space (pun) to expand and tell all kinds of wonderful stories through a specific genre lens. And you know what else is very cool? Kissing. And there's plenty of that in Star Wars , too. So, dear reader, I invite you to join me on a walk down “Far, Far Away” Lane, as I not only talk about specific kisses in the Star Wars film canon, but also what kissing in film lends to story, character, and audience wish fulfillment. First up, a very brief examination on kissing in the talkies. Like most things taken from real life and committed to celluloid, film has the power to take something mundane or personal and embellish it into something grand and extraordinary. Point-of-View (POV) plays a very important role in the difference between our personal, real-life experiences, and those depictions on the silver screen of common, everyday acts. When we see ourselves doing something, it is typically through our own POV (which with kissing can be quite unglamorous). And sure, when we see other people kissing in real life, removed from being one of the participants, we have a pretty neat visual of two people sharing something we have felt before with someone else, or at least longed to share in one way or another. But nothing beats the professional framing and build-up, the rising music and edited situation, of a big on screen smooch. There is a sensationalism lent to the moment that we as human beings are firmly aware of, which is what movies, and storytelling for that matter, are all about. Kissing is a universal language, just like English in the Star Wars galaxy! Even the smallest of pecks can carry any amount of intimacy or dread, and everything in-between, with the proper set-up and execution. A kiss can be: lovely, familiar, romantic, threatening, funny, unnerving, relieving, and many other things, all based on its intention in the moment and the direction of the story. A kiss in a film is powerful; however small or brief, and it is with that weight that I am most interested in taking a look at the Star Wars films and all of their many smackers. Star Wars is famous, not only for its noisy laser swords, oddly shaped spacecrafts, and talking puppets, but also for its fair share of iconic/infamous kisses. So, in chronological order, (*pops mint in mouth*) let's check these bad boys out. THE LIST: The Phantom Menace: -Anakin and Shmi (on the cheek) We're gonna start out small here, because things get hot fast in the prequel trilogy once everyone involved is of age. The only “muah” we get in this 136 minute space adventure is a loving peck on the cheek from a mother saying goodbye, possibly forever, to her child. It's a quick one, with not too much to break down, and it was probably one amongst multiple other takes where the kiss wasn't included. Luckily, for this article's sake, it was. Moving on. Attack of the Clones: -Padme and Anakin (“I don't like sand...”) And here we go. Now we're talkin'. A stolen, passionate kiss from our doomed hero, right smack on the lips of pretty much our only female character. Had to happen. It's quite a thing to look back on this kiss in retrospect, given the enormity of the pressure placed on Episode II's shoulders to produce a romance that was convincing enough to garner all the fallout that would come from it. This first kiss is both tender and a bit stressful, falling under the weight of its own raging hormones, as Padme pulls away, guilt-ridden and confused about the whole affair. -Padme and Anakin (about to die) Faced with an almost certain death, Padme spills the beans to Anakin that she “truly, deeply” loves him, and they get a nice lil’ kiss in before being hauled off to the slaughter pit. It's pretty epic, and the composition of the whole scene really works, if you remove a bunch of stuff that happens before and after it. Alas, that's not how movies work. More on that later. -Padme and Anakin (on the cheek) Our young Padawan gets the newly sexually-awakened senator a ride outta this Gladiator set, and she thanks him with a nice little smooch on the cheek. Nice of her, and good for him. -Padme and Anakin (secret wedding) When all is said and done in the epic romance of the Star Wars saga, Ms. Amidala makes an honest man out of Mr. Skywalker with a secret wedding, and we all know how those end. With a kiss! On the lips! Revenge of the Sith: -Padme and Anakin (in secret) Upon their first meeting in Episode III, Anakin and Padme are gracious enough to bombard the audience with a slew of lip-smackeroos right out of the gate! We get a sensual embrace of lovers reunited as our appetizer. Then, as like a small salad or something, we get a longing kiss on the cheek from Anakin before Padme shuts this PDA down. But then, the reveal! Padme is pregnant! That calls for another smooch, and it's the entree of this dinner metaphor for sure, complete with face grabbing and big hugs. And there is no dessert, because that's all of the kisses in the movie. Solo: A Star Wars Story: -Han and Q'ira (first kiss) Before heading into our OG trilogy, we have a few canoodles to go over in the Star Wars Story series. First up, we got a nice meet-and-smooch from our main love story participants. This kiss feels pretty forced, and more of a way to communicate these two character's past connections, as well as a way to reaffirm Han's bold behavior, that we all know and love will be intact. For these uses, it works! But not a whole lot going on here for now. -Val and Beckett (at the fire) Now this is what I'm talking about. A good communication of love and relationships as support structures for both involved, with a roaring line from Thandie Newton and a look from Woody Harrelson that reminds you why he continues to make the big bucks. Good kiss. -Han and Q'ira (cape closet) A very good attempt at furthering our understanding of the supposed romantic connection between our two leads, this pair of passionate snogs works in the moment, and makes sense with what we've come to learn about each of these characters. They like each other! I wonder what's gonna happen to make them not end up together? These OG trilogy character-based one-offs will always suffer from this, so it's probably good that they've canned most of them for the time being. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story: No Kisses!! WTF? What's going on here? We get two parents separately saying goodbye (possibly forever) to their young daughter. No forehead smooches? A parent dying in your arms. What, not even a little cheek gracing? I will say however, I do like the fact that Jyn and Cassian don't kiss at the climactic moment, instead holding one another for support and feigned safety, a understanding of one another in a shared personal and tragic moment. There's a strength to that. Again, there'll be more on this later. Star Wars: -Luke and Leia (on the cheek, corridor) While the middle installment of this trilogy is practically an orgy in comparison to the other films, both the first and last installments contain exclusive smoochies from one male character to our pretty much only female character. First up, a kiss on the cheek for good luck, from Leia to Luke, who just met a couple of minutes ago, before possibly falling to their death. Always the polite thing to do, but only if you're comfortable with it. -Luke and Leia (on the cheek, Yavin Base) Now that they've known each other for about a day, Leia seems committed to this whole cheek kissing for good luck thing, so she plants another one, square on the X-Wing pilot's dimple before they all possibly get blown up. Again, a very nice thing and highly encouraged, but your feelings on the matter should always come first, so never kiss anyone on the cheek unless you really feel like it. The Empire Strikes Back: -Luke and Leia (on the lips, Hoth) And here's the big one. Look, I know in retrospect this is pretty gross, and certainly confusing for younger audiences hip to the far, far away twists, but for what it's worth it's a good kiss! I'm on the record about that! Leia wants to make Han jealous, so she kisses someone who is already as close to her as a brother could be. Luke wasn't even ready for it, so there wasn't a whole lot of back and forth going on here. -Honorable Mention: “I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie.” You gotta admit, it's a good line. -Han and Leia (first kiss) Probably one of the most famous onscreen kisses of all time. A solid, tense build-up and a whirlwind of release, with a big ol' sloppy X planted firmly lip to lip. It's been one of the great trials of growing old, learning of the disastrous affair Ford and Fisher had prior to this film; they were sort of at each other's throats throughout the making of this film. Having that context has always sent a little shiver of discomfort through my heart, as I pay too close attention to the actor's mannerisms and reactions in the moment, but the kiss itself, and everything it represents to the coming events, is always enough to let me escape into the characters. -Lando and Leia's hand A nice moment that tells us everything we need to know about newcomer, Lando Calrissian. A smooth charmer with a taste for the extravagant, and a possible threat to Han's newfound romance, Lando asserts himself as a confident figure that we can't seem to pin down at first. And Leia's reaction to the effort is priceless. -Han and Leia (on the forehead, holding cell) A comforting caress of a kiss in a time of hardship and despair. Han looked like he needed it. -Han and Leia (carbonite room) What movies were made for, right here. One of the single most iconic moments in the entire Star Wars saga, kicked off by a stolen last kiss before certain death rips these two apart forever, a feeling made physical by the Stormtroopers literally pulling Han back into position for his deep freeze fate. Goodness, I love this fucking movie. -Luke and Leia (on the lips, Millennium Falcon) That's right! This chapter is book-shelved with incestuous desires! Before Leia returns to the cockpit to aid in the Falcon's escape from Cloud City, Leia plants yet another salutation of endearment right smack on Luke's lips. Bonus air kiss from Luke as Leia walks away, as if he longed for the moment to last. Creepy! Return of the Jedi: -Han and Leia (“Someone who loves you.”) A reunion! Passionate as ever, and quickly ripped apart, yet again, by the cruel familiar laugh of ya boi, Jabba the Hutt. -Han and Leia (“He's my brother.”) Leia gives a reaffirming snog to a bewildered Han after revealing that Luke is her brother, so she definitely doesn't want to keep kissing him. This is an interesting time to point out that when I first watched these films, (at the mature age of 6 years young) I never understood the love triangle that seems to be so apparent to me these days between Han, Luke and Leia. I guess there was some kind of: “Who's gunna get da gurl?” thing going on in between Episodes IV and VI, which I honestly never locked into. Once again, more on this in just a moment. -Han and Leia (Ewok reunion) They blew up the Death Star! (Well, sorta. I guess they blew up a building that helped blow up the Death Star?) so let's get a fun quickie kiss in here! The movie is over, so kiss, dammit! And it's a good kiss. Light, fluffy, to the point. You gotta respect a good ol' fashioned direct kiss. **** Now we break into the Sequel Trilogy, which has some of the weirdest choices in relationship building of any recent major franchise. The amount of possible romance arcs they introduce - completely give up on, sorta go back to, but then don't at all - is pretty wild. As you may have begun to infer around this point, the main crux of me writing this article was to talk about how the new Star Wars Sequel Trilogy treats kissing, but also relationships in general. And not just within the system creating these stories, but also how fans have reacted to these choices. I should restate: these are only my opinions on the matter, and therefore, judged by my own experiences of these films. They are based on my history - both being in love with other human beings, and watching other human beings fall in love (both in real life and on screen). So, included below are some quick recaps on the many romantic angles between different characters in the Sequel Trilogy up until the end of Episode VIII: The Force Awakens: -Finn and Rey (on the forehead) I can't speak for everyone, but I can say in this first film, that it is very obvious that they were planting a romantic connection between Rey and Finn. It felt like perhaps, Finn was more into Rey than she was into him, (she had a lot shit going on for the past couple days) but this kiss nods to her connection to him as a friend, and possibly something more, which could be explored in the next film. It isn't. *Finn likes Rey, but Rey is quite indifferent. *Poe and Finn have some very good energy, that is borderline romantic. Poe seems more interested. *Kylo Ren is a fanatic who kidnaps and tortures Rey. He kills her father figure (his own father), then proceeds to maim her best friend (apparently for good), and then he tries to kill her multiple times. These are big deals. *Rey is worried about Finn, who may not recover. There may be feelings here. The Last Jedi: -Finn and Rose (crash site) We don't get a kiss in The Last Jedi for a long time, and when we finally do, I believe it to be a pretty misunderstood one. Rose has romantic feelings for Finn - initially based on his fame - but as she gets to know him, she sees that he is just as confused as the rest of the Resistance. Her act at the end of Last Jedi is her grabbing a hold of that. Her kiss is not returned by Finn, who looks pretty darn confused immediately afterwards, partly due to him not understanding why she saved him to begin with, but also because he (DEFINITELY) hasn't even considered Rose as a possible romantic partner. This sets up an interesting dynamic for the next chapter, where Finn is attracted to Rey, but she does not seem to reciprocate his feelings; she is very preoccupied trying to save this weird emo cult guy. This is fun character stuff that could have led to moments of honesty, heartbreak and even some sweet, sweet space kisses. Alas, it did not. *Rey is arguably not concerned whatsoever with even the existence of Finn throughout the course of the entire second film. This is understandable. Again, she has A LOT going on right now. *Finn, however, very much still has feelings for Rey, and spends the movie on various side missions, all in order to protect her from returning to certain doom. *Poe and Finn still have tremendous energy that is very hard to overlook, even if I believe shipping two fictional characters of the same sex who have not been described as queer in anyway is a tad weird. But hey, that's not my lane, so I'll digress. *Kylo Ren and Rey are being connected by Snoke, and they begin to form a relationship with one another, one that is built on tension, unease, and a very hard line in the sand between each of their beliefs. Saying this tension equates to romantic or sexual tension says more about the person saying that then what the film ACTUALLY says about these two romantically. (You can want the two pretty people on screen to kiss, but don't confuse your escapist desires for intentional arcs of the characters). Personally, I wouldn't claim Darth Vader wanted to marry Luke based on their tension in Empire , and I see a lot of similarities between these two sets of relationships in these two films. -Luke and Leia (on the forehead) I mean, you just hafta to do it, right? Both within the context of the Star Wars story, the story of all of these actors over the years, and the fact that Carrie Fisher was gone by the time this film was released in theaters. It all works, and it works splendidly. The Rise of Skywalker: -Rey and Ben Now we arrive at the big smooch in question: When a freshly resurrected Rey goes in for the tongue tango with a recently redeemed Ben Solo. This is gross. I literally squirmed in my seat when I first saw it, and I was completely blown away as to why everyone involved in this project would think that this was a smoothly executed idea. I'm not gonna argue that they shouldn't kiss, (I mean, they really shouldn't because they are canonically very much related, but that's never stopped Star Wars before. Ah, nostalgia.) but the handling of the kiss is a super sloppy sandwich. There's the fact that up until a few hours before it happens, Kylo Ren has spent years trying to kill Rey’s friends (and her, really) all the while telling Rey how stupid she is not to trust him. It's just a weird way to wrap up their connection, and while I'm not all that into the handling of the other characters’ romantic interests, (RIP any semblance of Rose’s arc) I must say, that this one very much drops the proverbial space ball. My thinking on it is: it’s not only a way to appease the Reylo's of the world, but also to have this moment act as the very planned (at least by Abrams) redemption arc of Ben Solo. And for that purpose it works. There's just one problem. The kiss makes zero sense to the other person involved: Rey. This is what you do with this character after three movies? Say what you want about the possible romantic tensions shared between these two characters in some of these films, this is NOT how you handle it. In a film filled with issues - of various sizes and big deals - this moment ranks almost at the top of the “Very, Very Bad, Yuck” section, just under the fact that Rose has less screen time in this entire film than her sister did during the opening moments of The Last Jedi . Yes, that is 100% true. Bad kiss, no good, yucky yuck. -The Commander Larma D'Acy Kiss (onscreen same-sex kiss in a Star Wars movie) Just my two cents on something that is in very much not my lane, but the same-sex kiss thing from Episode IX has had a weird inaccuracy attached to it that I thought I'd take a moment to clear up, should anyone be interested. While my thoughts on the kiss itself are: “I like it when people kiss and those two look pretty happy, yay, also that's sort of a big deal to do that,” your mileage may vary on the most powerful movie studio in the world making the choice to represent an entire culture of relationships on screen. But I think a lot of people’s problems fall down to the “too little, too late” area of opinions, which is just fine. My main beef is this: people constantly refer to the kiss as “in the background” or “blink and you'll miss it.” First off, it's not in the background. There are no major characters on screen (which I get is part of the problem) and these two are front and center, surrounded by others rejoicing. And the whole “blink and you'll miss it” thing is just plain stupid. It's the end of the movie that you've been watching for two hours; pay attention to the pictures. In short, the kiss looks great! They both look pretty happy and into it. Five star kiss. **** All of these kisses have one very important thing in common: they are kisses. And kisses are very cool. From cheek pecks to full on snogs, a good kiss between characters always has something to translate. There’s always something being communicated outside of the physical act, be it an emotional reassurance, a release of built-up tension, or an earthshaking change in the dynamic of the characters and the story as a whole. A kiss is important, because in the context of a story, it is an important thing that comes at an important time between two important people. A well told story should feel alive, and the story’s life should create the kiss and make it grow. And its energy should surround us and bind us. Mike Burdge Editor-in-chief Founder of and programmer for Story Screen. Lover of stories and pizza in the dark. When he isn't watching movies, you can find him reading things about people watching movies. He currently resides in Poughkeepsie, NY and most assuredly is going through a French Connection phase.